Heatley Should Come Over To The Dysfunctional Family Of The NHL Already!

We've got crazy uncle Lowe, loaded uncle Katz that has every cool toy imaginable to man, quiet uncle Steve that is either a genius or the guy from Office Space rambling on and on about his stapler before he blows it all up. Then we've got the older brother, the city of Edmonton, dependable, full of character, has a good paying gig, but gets slept around on more often than a porn sets furniture.

The Oilers and the city of Edmonton have one hell of a self worth and self confidence issue, often criticized, rarely complimented, even spurned for Calgary for crying out loud! You know what, the City of Champions may have its warts, but it's not our fault the same ones that "slept around" on the city gave him those warts. Edmonton is not LA, nor is it New York, we get it, the world knows it, but you know what? I could care less. There has got to be some good old farm boys out there that thinks that this here is the big city (Lord knows that I'm no city boy myself)!

There has got to be people that can appreciate and love the city's "feel", it's a city but it also has the camaraderie of smaller communities. As for the cold, yes it's bloody cold in the winter, but you know what? These clowns are supposed to be hockey players, many of them grew up playing on backyard rinks. They likely would've never gotten to where they are today if they grew up in LA or some of these other areas that they now covet to play in over Edmonton's hockey weather.

Lastly we have Dany Heatley, a super hot chick that likes you for your money, but can't stand anything else about you and is looking to jump at the next possible meal ticket. The problem for Dany is that she's getting wrinkles, everyone knows that she's carrying warts, and we're the only ones that will take her warts and all because that's what the city of Edmonton does, they rally around people that don't openly trash them and can respect the city and of course and most importantly provide excitement on the ice.

It maybe a match made on an episode of "Lowered Expectations" from MadTV, but right now it feels so right and it would make perfect sense, a player that no one wants coming to a team that is perceived as a place that no one wants to play in. It's like an episode of My Big Red Neck Wedding gone awry.